A beautiful life

I am in Ann Arbor, at the memorial conference of my deceased love. There is a fabulous art fair. I was in Portland Oregon last week, at another conference. I was in New York City before that, and in Ann Arbor before, and in places I cannot remember. My daughter is vacationing in Mexico. She is very happy. I miss her so much it hurts. My sister texts and talks. My friends text and talk. Life is good.

Aynaki

There’s a song I listened to when I was a teenager…

‘I walk away from you, and our story is more beautiful,
than April’s return,
My one love, no do not cry,
For your tears sculpt into my existence,
I own nothing in this world,
But your eyes, and my tragedy,

Do I travel without you, my night,
Oh shadow of the divine, in my eyes,
My green summer, my sun,
My brightest brightest colors…’

Grateful that my job lets me work from someone’s backyard in some random city while I watch my daughter play outside. She’s on summer break and I can be both with her and working. She still drives me crazy but that’s just how it is with six year olds. But this moment, right now, is peaceful, productive, relaxed, and fulfilling. #single mom

I woke up at three in the morning to catch a terribly bumpy flight from Iowa to New York City. I checked into my #airbnb and went to an open mic bar with P.’s sister. The singers were great and inspiring… they reminded me of why I love New York so much. The stand up comedians were awful. They also reminded me of why I love NYC. After that we went for Mexican food at #fonda. I am so picky about Mexican food, but this place is authentic. Their tortillas are hand pressed and that’s very rare to find in the States. We ended the night at the rotating #view lounge on top of the #Marriott. I’ll blog about today, tonight :). Meanwhile happy Sunday 😘.

She clung to me in bed last night crying that she doesn’t have friends at school and that no one likes her. I told her to find the good people in her classroom and talk to them, to tell the mean children that she doesn’t like them, and every time she feels sad to think of the people whom she loves in her life, to think that these children are mean because they do not know any better, and have so much beyond their little world that they do not know and have not seen.

But I also told her that am not friends with anyone I went to elementary school with.

Sitting by the fire, and thinking… how I finally moved, and reset my life. I am still in disbelief I lived in my previous town for two years and a half. It makes me sad. Have you ever grieved some time in your life that you felt was a complete waste and full of only loss? A big setback? That’s how I feel about the past two years and a half. I look at them now from distance, from a new future, from far, and I don’t know how to deal with that.

Lu and I sat at the dining table this morning and had a full breakfast together. No phones, no iPads, no interruptions to the meal or the chats. There are nice things that happen when the child is six. I told from now on, that’s the format of all our meals: Dining table, and no technology.

Flu

I spent the whole conference in bed in a hotel room with a horrible flu, tissues, soup, medicine, Gatorade (I don’t know why that one but my friend got it for me and I drank it), pills, envelopes that contained powder that I dumped in tea and drank, stuff, you know, fever… by far the worst conference I ever had. I flew back and when the plane landed, dear did my ears hurt! And everyone in Atlanta was terrified of that half millimeter of snow! Seriously?!
I forgot to get my flu shot.
A Walk In The Woods helped me through the night and through the flight, so happy to be back!

It’s the last day of 2016…. Goodbye, year of grief, and miracles.
Lu’s losing a tooth today… It belongs with the past year.
I cooked, watched a New York movie and read a book. We’ll head out to Alexandria, make a stop at the airport to pick up my ex-husband.
How I miss New York, every new year.
Happy New 2017.

Hey there !! Is it difficult to travel as a single Mom ? It’s a terrible world out there . Is it an experience you would recommend ?

It’s not difficult to travel as a single mom. It’s been my life since she was born (and before). You pack the essentials, ask many questions when you need to, ask for help (in the few times you need help), research the place you’re visiting and convenient and cheap ways to get to the places you need to get to, and most importantly, depending on the age of your child: prepare them- talk to them about where you’re going, how long it will take, what to expect, all the fun AND non-fun things you’d encounter, or they’d have to tolerate. As they grow, they become more excited about travel than you, they know how long things take, the lines at the airports, security checks, etc… They help carry their luggage. Share with them the problems you encounter when you encounter them- they usually suggest solutions… it’s wonderful! Oh! And do not overpack your day, make sure they are ALWAYS rested and have a little haven to come back to, even if it is a tiny hotel room with one twin bed and no curtains…

This Fall…
I looked for a house, found one and… renovated it…
I went to England, Scotland, and Canada…
I got P.’s ashes, two years and a half after we were separated… a year after he died…
I mentored six research students…
I submitted two grants…
I gave one seminar, in England…
I taught a new class…
And another non-new class…
I moved out of town… into our new home…
What A Fall…
I am happy it’s finally… cold.
#thisFall